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Friday, March 12th, 2010
11:30 pm - Cracked me up
Funny metaphors used in high school essays
Just in case you need some writing inspiration. Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year’s winners:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another
city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

(6 Smacks | Attack Me)

Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
8:24 am - Because I miss the warm weather...
And I love my doggie.


(1 Smack | Attack Me)

Friday, November 14th, 2008
7:38 am
You may have tangible wealth untold;
Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
Richer than I you can never be--
I had a mother who read to me.
-- Strickland Gillian

(Attack Me)

Thursday, November 13th, 2008
1:19 am
I have no words.

(Attack Me)

Sunday, September 14th, 2008
5:53 am
FYI: I still have almost every entry locked as "Friends Only", so comment to be added.

(5 Smacks | Attack Me)

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008
2:06 pm
Havent updated in too long.

Life is BONKERS. Graduate school is kicking my ass, and its only week two. Oh, save me.

I'm a TA and an RA (will do research for moeny).

Also, my classes, my homework, grading from the TA class (Child Development) and more.
Research, Thesis. Euh.

I hate being at the bottom of the food chain.

Got a new laptop. It works, which is nice. Had to buy a new printer cause the old one didnt "talk" to the new laptop. Then I got an I-Pod, cause I've never had one. Trying to bring myself into 2008, even if its almost over.

Mostly, I'm trying to sleep when I have free time..

(1 Smack | Attack Me)

Thursday, May 29th, 2008
6:06 pm
Moved into a nice little house with Mark. And the doggie Belle, of course. Its pretty nice. Only one bedroom, but we don't need two..at any rate, it has an enclosed back porch, a front porch, a garage..a shed (Which is really weird, its wired and even has an AC in it?) along with a fenced in back and front yard!!

However, there are ants. Big, black carpenter ants. ALL OVER! Its like WWIII over here. Spraying and smacking and buying traps...euuh!

Ah, well. Cant have it all, I suppose.

(4 Smacks | Attack Me)

Sunday, April 13th, 2008
3:42 pm
Come in, come in
Come into my world I've got to show
Show show you
Come into my bed
I've got to know
Know know you

I have dreams of orca whales and owls
But I wake up in fear
You will never be my
You will never be my fool
Will never be my fool

Floaters in my eyes
Wake up in an hotel room
Cigarettes and lies
I am a child, it's too soon

I have dreams of orca whales and owls
But I wake up in fear
You will never be my
You will never be my fool
Will never be my fool

A little bag of cocaine
A little bag of cocaine
So who's the girl wearing my dress
I figured out her number
Inside a paper napkin
But I don't know her address I wade downstairs

The porter smiles to me a smile
I've bought
With a couple of gold coins
A sign that I've been caught

I have dreams of orca whales and owls
But I wake up in fear
You will never be my
You will never be my dear
Will never be my dear, dear friend
Dear dear friend, dear dear friend...

A little bag of cocaine
A little bag of cocaine
So who's the girl wearing my dress
I figured out her number
Inside a paper napkin
But I don't know her address

Come in, come in
Come into my world I've got to show
Show show you
Come into my bed
I've got to know
Know know you

I have dreams of orca whales and owls
But I wake up in fear
You will never be my
You will never be my dear
Will never be my dear, dear friend
Dear dear friend, dear dear friend...

(Attack Me)

Thursday, March 20th, 2008
12:07 pm
I GOT IN!! GRAD SCHOOL, HERE I COME!!

Ph.D program for Developmental Psych!!!

I'm going to go victory dance around my apartment now...

(6 Smacks | Attack Me)

Wednesday, July 4th, 2007
11:31 pm

(1 Smack | Attack Me)

Wednesday, April 18th, 2007
6:20 pm
My entries from now on will be friends only. Comment to be added.

(2 Smacks | Attack Me)

8:03 am
Note to self: Do not do homework right before bed.

I had dreams about APA style papers all night.

(Attack Me)

Tuesday, April 17th, 2007
11:35 pm
I started writing my review paper (Body Image) today. Its not due till Friday, but yay for starting it early- it took me two hours just to write the intro.

I'm stressed about school. It seems like some people are winding down for the semester and I feel like I'm still climbing up a hill.

So c'mon summer, lets get a move on! (Yet, I have to take Calc 2 during the summer so...ehh.)

My Grandma used to tell me never to wish time away, that time moves fast enough as it is.

(Attack Me)

3:51 pm
I think that sometimes a lie hurts less than the truth.

And that common sense is important.

(Attack Me)

Monday, April 16th, 2007
11:25 pm
Secret: Sometimes I tell you what you want to hear and not the truth. Sometimes I agree with the comments others make about you.

Love: Mark and I have been together two years (yesterday). He bought me roses, different colors, because those of the kind of flowers he first bought me. (For my...19th birthday?) He's the best boyfriend in the world. (He told me to write that, hahaha!)

Sucks: I spent yesterday moving more junk from my Dads old house to my Moms shed. This has been going on for months, now. Dad was renting his old house and had been for 4 years - the owners gave him 3 months to move out because they're giving the house to their daughter - and then cut that short, down to 3 days. So the entire thing has been really upsetting and I've done most of the physical moving (with help from Mr.Freckle boy.) I'm really sick of bailing all of my family out of shit and dealing with their bologna. Makes me wish I went to...Kentucky for college or something.

REALLY sucks: I take Belle to my Moms during the day and leave her there to play with Moms dogs. (Beagle, Poodle, Lab/Killer mix) AND now Dads dogs are there because if she didnt take them they'd be homless (German S./Lab mix, Collie). Shes trying to find a home for a couple of the dogs. Well, today, the Lab/Killer mix (haha) broke the back gate open. He, the Beagle and my puppy made a run for it. My Dad randomly drove by and saw the gate open. The dog warden had been chasing Beagle and Bone Cruncher for about 4 hours. My dog was MIA. She ended up being at the dog wardens already but for about an hour I thought she was dead/missing forever/stolen/maimed.

I seriously cried for an hour straight, worried about her. I had to leave class to search for her. I love that damned little thing.

School isnt very fun. I've had about 50ish crickets in my house for 2 months now. I just finished collecting data today - a poster with abstract, methods, etc etc is due Tuesday.

To do: Stats lab (only one more after this!), HUGE paper for Lab Methods (due Friday). Lab Methods Lab (one more after this!) Lab Methods homework (last one!). Thats it, till exam week. I have two exams the week before exam week, though...

Then I need to get job. Where should I work?

(1 Smack | Attack Me)

Sunday, April 15th, 2007
11:28 pm
Thinking about it makes me sick.

(Attack Me)

Saturday, April 14th, 2007
11:57 am
The internet can cause madness.

I'm normally so busy I dont know what to do with free time.

I'm going outta my mind.

(Attack Me)

7:05 am
Waking up pissed off is never fun.

The one day I get to sleep in, Mark wakes me up at 6am. If ONE thing makes me mad, its someone waking me up when I'm tired and really asleep. I have a hard enough time falling asleep and staying so that...GRR,WR.W.RW.R!

What REALLY makes me mad is I -told- him last night not to wake me up. He was slamming dresser stuff and left the closet open with the light on.

Its his damn frat. Its so annoying. Every day they have some new, time consuming thing for him to do. Last night he had to stand outside of a house and talk with the other frat members while the new pledges ate steak inside.

Tomorrow we've been dating for 2 years. And if he goes to his frat meeting, I'll throw his clothes outside in the lawn.

ALSO: I got called at 1am in the morning last night, twice, by some random number. So I return the favor this morning - all I do is hit redial. A bitch answers the phone and said NO ONE CALLED YOU FROM THIS PHONE! And went on and on. Stupid fucker.

(Attack Me)

Friday, April 13th, 2007
6:07 pm
I'm "friends" with my ex on facebook.

He wont talk to me - not at all. Not one word in over two years.

I feel like its normal to want to know how he's doing. I'm not a stalker. I even fell in love with another man - something I never thought I'd do after he broke my heart.

It still feels like someone is grabbing at my insides when I see my other friends still talking to him. And he responds.

(Attack Me)

Thursday, April 12th, 2007
9:57 pm
It sucks that I dont have it in myself to do things half way.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to just NOT do a homework.

And I put this outline/summary/etcetc off till today when its due tomorrow - and I still cant do a shitty job. Spent 3+ hours on the stupid thing.

Sick of Lab Methods,

Cross eyed in Walbridge,
D.R.

(Attack Me)

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